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Mid-Week Humor

Posted by mcm0704 on May 29, 2019 |

This picture has nothing to do with the content of the blog today. I just thought it was so amusing to see Sammy in the shower yesterday. He appears to be asking if I’m coming in or not. 🙂 The cats are intrigued by this whole shower thing, sometimes actually coming in while the water is running. They are usually not too happy when it hits them, though.

Before letting Slim Randles take the stage for his Wednesday’s Guest post, I wanted to share some exciting news for the Winnsboro Center For the Arts and the Drama Camps. A grant was written to the National Endowment for the Arts for funding for a 6-week musical theatre camp next summer. I just received word that the grant was approved. Here is a bit of the press release that the NEA sent out:

“These awards, reaching every corner of the United States, are a testament to the artistic richness and diversity in our country,” said Mary Anne Carter, acting chairman of the National Endowment for the Arts. “Organizations such as Winnsboro Center for the Arts are giving people in their community the opportunity to learn, create, and be inspired.”

This is the first time the NEA has awarded a grant to a Winnsboro organization, according to WCA President Mary White.

“We have been working for several years to lay the groundwork for such an opportunity, and it is so gratifying to see it come to fruition,” White said. “Receiving this NEA grant will allow us to strengthen our outreach program within the community. It is a vote of confidence in our organization that we can enrich the lives of participants and have an impact on our community through this project.”

The funded project is based on the musical theatre camp founded by Maryann Miller at Winnsboro Center for the Arts almost 10 years ago.

Am I proud or am I proud! Also so happy that the little camp we started has grown and will provide so many more young people the opportunity to enrich their lives through creativity.

Now here’s Slim. Enjoy…

You have to hand it to Windy. When Alphonse “Windy” Wilson chooses to speak, it is a bombastic sampling of creativity. Windy has yet to find a word he can’t make better through his own unique methods.

Well, what got him fired up the other day was a meeting of the ladies of the garden club down at the nursery. Windy’s been helping Dewey with his manure business on the one day a week he spends helping others. Today wasn’t a helper day, but he couldn’t pass up the audience.

They hadn’t gotten through old business when Windy stood, smiled, and spoke.
“Dear ladies,” he said, “what an opera-tune moment this is, finding you all coagulated here in an effort to beatify the yards of our fair town. And what, you may ask, brings me to this conflagration? It’s the latest thing in gardening. Our chairman of the board refers to it as ‘cow pasture tea’ and it nutritionalizes plants right down to bedrock. As Dewey says, the only way to improve on cow manure is to liquidize it. Well, he hasn’t said it yet, but he will.

“Now what exactly is cow pasture tea you’re undoubtedly asking yourselves at this moment. It’s a varietal combination of composted cow manure, water, and some acid we put in there to matriculate it properly into the life-giving succulence we require. Then we put it in a drum and pull the drum behind a tractor-like conveyance that looks an awful lot like an old riding lawn mower. We spray this on your lawn, and in ninja-seconds, this liquor of life perambulates deep into the rootiness of the grass and makes it want to grow.”

He smiled at the group and noticed a lot of them were giggling in appreciation of his talk. He puffed up and continued.

“And what does the Dewey Decker Manure Combine charge for this incompartible service? A mere $10 for an average-sized lawn. Think about that, ladies. Ten dollars. Twenty fifty-cent pieces. Why you’d spend more than that on a wedding dress or a trip to the Bermudas!”

A number of the ladies clapped at that, thinking that might satisfy him, and it did. He smiled and sat.

He could get used to this corporate life. Maybe it wasn’t too late to climb the ladder to success.
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Brought to you by The Complete Cowboy Bucket List.

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Check out all of Slim’s award-winning books at www.slimrandles.com, and in better bookstores and bunkhouses throughout the free world.

All of the posts here are from his syndicated column, Home Country that is read in hundreds of newspapers across the country. I am always happy to have him share his wit and wisdom here.

Slim Randles is a veteran newspaperman, hunting guide, cowboy and dog musher. He was a feature writer and columnist for The Anchorage Daily News for 10 years and guided hunters in the Alaska Range and the Talkeetna Mountains. A resident of New Mexico now for more than 30 years, Randles is the prize-winning author of a dozen books, and is host of two podcasts and a television program. 

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