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Friday’s Odds and Ends

Posted by mcm0704 on November 13, 2015 |

This was another crazy busy week for me, as will the next few be until our show opens at the Winnsboro Center For the Arts. If you click over, you can see the awesome poster that was made for “Scrooge.” It features the two actors who have played Scrooge and Marley since we first started doing the show a number of years ago. You can also find more information about show dates and times and ticket prices. Just in case you live near Winnsboro, Texas and might like to come and see our production.

For #felinefriday, I want to share a picture of Lily, one of my kitties that doesn’t get a lot of camera time. Others push her out of the way.

Lily-May

This is when she was just a baby three years ago.

 

And now on with a few funnies:

This first one is a bit naughty, but then there are some religious one-liners to purge our souls from the naughty.

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ‘ Steve’s Place,’ and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When the bus-boy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, ‘Why the spoon?’

“Well, ‘he explained, ‘the restaurant’s owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently  dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.”

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. “I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked him, “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?”

“Oh, certainly!” Then he lowered his voice. ‘”ot everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.”

I asked quietly, “After you get it out, how do you put it back?”

“Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”

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Don’t let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
Until you try to sit in their pews.

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Many folks want to serve God,
But only as advisers.

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It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.

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The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose,
But mosquitoes come close.

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When you get to your wit’s end,
You’ll find God lives there.

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People are funny; they want the front of the bus,
Middle of the road,
And back of the church.

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Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

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Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.

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If a church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.

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We’re called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

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Some minds are like concrete
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

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Peace starts with a smile.

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I don’t know why some people change churches;
What difference does it make which one you stay home from?

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Be ye fishers of men. You catch ’em – He’ll clean ’em.

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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

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Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.

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Don’ t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

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God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

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God loves everyone,
But probably prefers ‘fruits of the spirit’ over ‘religious nuts!’

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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

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He who angers you, controls you!

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If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!

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Prayer:
Don’t give God instructions, just report for duty!

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How was your week? Anything exciting to share? Did any of the God jokes resonate with you? I liked the one about temptation banging on the door forever. So true.

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3 Comments

  • What a great start to my Friday, the 13th. I loved the restaurant joke, but when we go out to eat tonight, I’m sure the waiters are going to wonder why my eye automatically goes to their shirt pocket and then their fly. 😀

    I like the church one about the pews. Isn’t it funny how people claim their space, whether it be the favorite church pew or that certain chair at that certain table in an assisted living facility. Those spaces are defended with vigor and sometimes a bit of animosity.

  • Maryann says:

    Glad you liked the joke. I thought it was hilarious. And I agree about the pews. It’s almost like people have reserved seating without any signs.

    Have a great weekend.

  • Jan says:

    Gentle little Lilly, can’t help but love her!! Enjoyed the jokes. Thanks for the laughs The Scrooge poster is awesome. If I lived closer, I’d be there!

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