I had company for several days this week. My friend, Jan and her brother, Jim, came for a visit and we had a grand time reminiscing about our childhoods. Jan and I have been friends since we were 11 years old, and the friendship has weathered the years and the separations well. She lives in South Dakota, and I have lived in Texas since adulthood took us away from Michigan, which is where we grew up, so there were long stretches of time when we did not see each other. Yet that never mattered. We would meet again, and the years would fall away.
Such was the case this week, and it was fun to dig up a long-forgotten story to share about the antics of our youth. For a little while, the wrinkles and gray hair fell away, too, and we were kids again, coloring and being goofy.
One of the favorite stories from the past is about the donuts. Jan’s mother made mashed-potato donuts every week, and the family would take bets on how soon I would be hopping the fence from my yard to theirs.
When Jan and Jim got back to his place near Dallas the other day, they decided to make donuts and sent me pictures. I’d rather have a donut. LOL
Friday’s Funnies: These are some silly definitions my brother-in-law sent me.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.
SECRET: A story you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have…similar to my character lines.
OLD: I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”
. . . and that, my friend, is the definition of ‘OLD’!!!
This next joke was also sent to me by my brother-in-law. He has lots of idle time. LOL
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough.. there’s an ad for “Bear Removers.”
He calls the number and the man says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van.
He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean, heavily-scarred old dog.
“What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks.
“I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof. Then I’m going to go up there and I’ll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the dog is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”
He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
“What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.
“If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”
That’s all for me, folks. Hope you enjoyed meeting my friends and the jokes. Do you have big plans for the weekend? I am hosting a book launch party for a wonderful new book, Stillwater, by Melissa Lenhardt at the Winnsboro Center for the Arts on Saturday. Sunday is our monthly writers’ club meeting, so this is going to be a very literary weekend.