Friday’s Odds and Ends

I read in the paper about a new reality TV series – Best Funeral Ever. Really? Did nobody stop and think about how folks who just buried a loved one might feel about such a show? I hate to admit that the show is filmed in Dallas, and I am so glad I live 100 miles away.

The whole concept is so disgusting to me, I am not going to even provide a link for more info. Just trust me, this is for real.

To get the bad taste of that announcement out of my mouth, I thought I would share some fun that a

friend sent me in an e-mail. I found the source of the jokes, so I want to thank Alicia Moss, who first compiled these funny airline announcements and posted them on Will and Guy’s Funny Clean Jokes.

1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

2. “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

3. “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”

5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

6 From a Southwest Airlines employee: “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

7. “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

8. “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”

9 “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

10 “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight at tendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

11. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking . I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.”

Before I go, I want to share this lovely piece of music played on the most unusual instrument. The same friend who e-mailed me the jokes sent the link to the music. You’ve got to love a friend like that. Enjoy….

1 thought on “Friday’s Odds and Ends”

  1. Maryann,

    Thanks for the gorgeous Sugar Plum – I’ve already marked it and sent the link to my music friends, while wondering what instruments it was written for in the back of my mind, because, obviously, it was written for wine glasses.

    Thank you!

    And I agree about the tasteless show – really, what will they think of next, DIY Mortician? Have we lost all shame as a society?

    Don’t answer that.


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