What would I do without my friends who send me fun memes and other humor to share on my blog? Well, I’d be up the proverbial creek when I want fresh content and my mind is fresh out of fresh content. Between the pain in my head from trigeminal neuralgia, and the meds I take that are supposed to keep that pain under control, I’m up that creek a lot more of late, but that is neither fun nor funny. So, let’s just move along.
First for today, from the friend who sends me the clever memes (see above) comes some equally clever questions. The humor reminds me a bit of a mix of George Carlin and Steven Wright.
Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke. Go ahead and try it.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Why do you have to “put your two cents in,” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did ‘cured ham’ actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
How did the man who made the first clock, know what time it was?
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Now, here’s another guest post from humorist Slim Randles. Enjoy…
The funny little car with the speakers on the roof drove slowly down Main Street once again.
“Hi folks,” came the voice of Windy Wilson. “Can you hear me okay this morning?”
Doc was in front of the drugstore and shook his head. “They can hear him okay in Temecula.”
“Our newest sponsor is good ol’ Fran down at the Curl Up ‘N Dye Beauty Salon right here in town. You know where it is. It’s where all you beautiful ladies go to get even more beautifuller. Before you know it, your hair will be any color you want it to be, and it’ll stand straight up or hang down straight or maybe jest curls up around your head and makes you look like a movie star.
“And speaking of stars, how’d you like to help a grungy ol’ cowboy camp cook be a star? Thass right, and you can do that by writing to the head dude at Clean Bridge University over in England, and tell him ol’ Windy ought to have him a honorary college degree. Why, if enough a-you do that, I’ll betcha I get a call to whup on over there and have a crumpet with the Queen. Doncha think?
“And that there crumpet might not taste a whole lot like them rolled-up crab thingies that Del Chin has down at the Gates a-Heaven Chinese Joint here in town, but it’s prolly the best them English guys can do. They oughta come over and spend some time learnin’ that good Chinese cookin’ stuff from Del Chin. And clean? Hey, you can eat off the plates in that place!”
A few hours later, Windy dropped the car off at the restaurant where Del Chin called him to one side and handed him an envelope with cash in it. “Windy, your commercials certainly please our advertisers, and they want to pay us. So here’s your half.”
God bless America and Windy Wilson
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Brought to you by the genuine cowboy music and musings of Steve Cormier up in New Mexico’s Sandia Mountains. Check him out at stevecormier.net
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Check out all of Slim’s award-winning books at his Goodreads Page and in better bookstores and bunkhouses throughout the free world.
All of the posts here are from his syndicated column, Home Country that is read in hundreds of newspapers across the country. I am always happy to have him share his wit and wisdom here.
Slim Randles is a veteran newspaperman, hunting guide, cowboy, dog musher, and an all-around good guy. He was a feature writer and columnist for The Anchorage Daily News for 10 years and guided hunters in the Alaska Range and the Talkeetna Mountains. A resident of New Mexico now for more than 30 years, Randles is the prize-winning author of a dozen books, and is host of two podcasts and a television program.
Really enjoyed your blog with my morning coffee.
A good way to start the day!
Always happy to supply some morning enjoyment. I hope it’s warming up some there in the northland. 🙂