Take Me Out to the Ball Game

The news is so depressing, I can’t even read about it anymore, and I’m sure I’m not alone. Between the pandemic, the nonsense that goes on in politics, and the way people in general are verbally and physically attacking others, I’m about to give up on the whole human race. Well, maybe with the exception of a few. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, I found a copy of this column I wrote many moons ago for the Plano Star-Courier, and I thought it would be fun to share. A version of this can be found in my humorous memoir, A Dead Tomato Plant & a Paycheck which is a collection of some of the columns I wrote back when I was known as the Erma Bombeck of Plano. A title I wore with pride and humility. The two can go together. Really. ๐Ÿ™‚ If you need something fun to read this weekend, this might satisfy that yearning.

There’s nothing worse than watching your son’s little league baseball team get beaten 25-0, except maybe watching your husband’s softball team get creamed by the only team they’d previously beaten all season. But there was something funny about the team this time around. Either all their players had made a recent trip to the Fountain of Youth, or they pulled in a few ringers on us. I think I recognized a couple of the young men who’ve bagged my groceries within the past few weeks, and they all played with the intensity of mighty Casey himself.

Our team didn’t stand a chance.

Of course, we could’ve used the age difference as an excuse for losing. But measuring the overall capabilities of our team, I really don’t think it would have mattered had the opposition come from the local nursing home.

Last Monday night was definitely not one of their better nights on the field. Or the mound. Or the plate. And very few of our players ever got past a mere nodding acquaintance with the bases.

The high point of the game was a pop-up fly that bounced off our second baseman’s glove into the shortstop’s mitt. And just in case he missed, there were five other guys gathered to back him up.

Now that’s real teamwork!

Unfortunately, it left the field a little bare, and there wasn’t anyone left to cover the runner from third.

Then there was a terrific play at first base when the fielder overthrew the second baseman, and the ball trickled into the waiting glove of the first baseman. It was the closest anyone had thrown the ball to him all evening, and it would have been really impressive had the runner been there too.

Unlike some other teams that might have folded under the humiliation, our team kept its spirit. The players laughed and joked their way through the entire game, and no one got upset over missed balls or strikeouts. Even the pitcher smiled his way through the heckles and jeers of the crowd as he walked four in a row. (Of course, he may not have talked to his wife on the way home. She led the booing.)

But I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on our players. They count on the support of their families and friends as they face the enemy week after week, and the least I can do is hang in there with them. Besides it’s the only thing offered a deprived baseball fan since the pros are on strike.

That really was a long time ago. LOL I hope you enjoyed the story. And I hope you are staying safe. Wear a mask. And as Windy and Doc said on Wednesday, practice social distancing. Have a safe and happy weekend.ย 

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