Yoga is supposed to be good for you, but I might have over-stretched the ‘good’ in my yoga class on Wednesday. Had horrible muscle spasms in my back on Thursday and it’s just marginally better today. Thank goodness my friend Slim is always ready with one of his humor columns when I am not able to write.
Slim’s column “Home Country” now has over 4 million readers, and I am always happy to add a few to that number. Today, the guys are talking about the weather. What else is there to talk about when we are all baking in the heat? Grab a glass of cool, refreshing tea and enjoy…
“Sanctimonious siphons, it’s hot!” said Dud, sitting at the philosophy counter and turning over his coffee cup for action with a single smooth move. Dud is a regular at the Mule Barn truck stop’s legendary world dilemma think tank.
“Epithet time again, Dudley?” said Doc.
“Epithets and heat time, Doc. When that heat comes along, the only thing that can really change an attitude is a properly tuned epithet. It’s man’s emotional release valve, but of course you know that, being a doctor and all.”
Dud doctored his coffee and took a sip.
“Oh …” said Doc, “right … of course. We took Epithets 1A and 1B in medical school, naturally. ‘Emotional release valves and their perfection’ they were called. I got an A in Epithetology for the Masses in my third year, too.”
“You’re just putting me on.”
“Let’s look for a moment,” chimed in Bert, “at why epithets are so good for the soul.”
“He’s going to wave his arms again,” whispered Doc to Dud.
“I’m afraid so…”
“Yes,” said Bert, “epithets, particularly those where no swearing is involved, are like a frustrated man’s crossword puzzle. They bring out enough cleverness and creativity in a man to pour salve on whatever it is that’s bugging the bejeesus out of him.”
“I know I feel better with salve poured on my bejeesus,” said Doc, nodding.
“First thing I do in the morning, after coffee,” said Dud.
“Well, here comes Steve,” Doc said, as all eyes turned to the cowboy who looked wise, in the way a caffeine-starved owl looks wise. “He’ll pour some salve and sense on this entire situation.
“Mornin’ Steve,” said Dud. “What’s going on?”
“Bilious blasphemers, it’s hot today!” said Steve.
The groaning continued, off and on, through the toast course.
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Check out all of Slim’s award-winning books at www.slimrandles.com, and in better bookstores and bunkhouses throughout the free world.
All of the posts here are from his syndicated column, Home Country that is read in hundreds of newspapers across the country. I am always happy to have him share his wit and wisdom here.
Slim Randles is a veteran newspaperman, hunting guide, cowboy and dog musher. He was a feature writer and columnist for The Anchorage Daily News for 10 years and guided hunters in the Alaska Range and the Talkeetna Mountains. A resident of New Mexico now for more than 30 years, Randles is the prize-winning author of a dozen books, and is host of two podcasts and a television program.