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Friday Funnies

Posted by mcm0704 on December 16, 2016 |

The other day I put up a little Christmas tree. The last one we had, several years before my husband died, had been attacked by the cats, and ended up out in the sun-room for them to play with for a while.

For three years I never decorated. I didn’t have the heart for it, plus I always went to be with my kids, so why bother here. Well, this year I am having company, so I figured I should do something. The tree isn’t much to look at. It reminds me a little of Charlie Brown’s sad little tree, but it is pretty when the lights are on.

The tree was not up for long, maybe an hour, when Sammy decided to investigate. When I saw this meme, I thought of him.

Since I am super busy, this will be a short post. Just a few jokes and then I have presents to wrap. I borrowed these from a neat website, Clean Jokes

The judge asked the defendant what he was charged with.

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” was the reply.

“That not illegal!. How early were you shopping?”

“Before the store was open.”

How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
“What denomination?” asked the clerk.

“Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?” said Maria, “Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please.”

Shortly before Christmas, a business man was anxious to get home. The business trip had been grueling and he was not in a particularly good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was sick of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale.

Being in a grumpy mood, he said to the woman at the counter, “You know, even if I weren’t married, I wouldn’t kiss you.”

“That’s not what it’s there for,” said the attendant. “It’s so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”

“Here’s a Christmas request I can’t give,” Santa said to Mrs. Claus.

“Why not?” asked Mrs. Claus.

“Here, read the letter.”

Dear Santa,
Will you please bring me some crocodile shoes for Christmas?
Thanks,
Pete

“But you have lots of crocodile shoes,” said Mrs. Claus. “Why can’t you give him a pair?”

“Because he didn’t tell me what size his crocodile wears.”

And with that I’m off. I will take a break between now and the first of the year, so I am wishing all my friends a very Happy Holiday – Merry Christmas if that is the holiday you celebrate – and all the best for the New Year. May these next few weeks be filled with fun and excitement and gatherings of family and friends.

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