Slim Randles is today’s Wednesday’s Guest with another offering about Windy. We haven’t heard from Windy in a while, and lest you think that Slim has forgotten how to proof his columns, this is just the way Windy speaks. One of the reasons for his name. Not only does he massacre the English language, he sure does like to talk.
Since the guys are having coffee at the Mule Barn Truck Stop, why don’t we share some cinnamon rolls with them. Help yourself to one.
“Carnsider this for a minute, boys,” Windy said, sadly shaking his head at the King Arthur memorial round table at the Mule Barn truck stop. “I mean to say, well you know them ladies actually asked me to be their speaker, right?”
We nodded and sipped our early afternoon coffee.
“I mean, all I done was tell ‘em I had new thoughts on our future and suggested it would make a good speechify for their Ladies Literary League and Garden Society meeting. And after I done that for maybe a month, they invited me to come to the lunch and deliver my pregnastications for ‘em. So I did. Today. Even paid for my lunch, bless ‘em.”
“Sounds like fun, Windy,” Doc said.
“You’da thunk, eh?” Windy said. “But I was in for an existictual surprise, I can tell ya that. I mean, I had it all spread out for ‘em. You know. How we was conscriptin’ along toward certain abolishment of oblivity and such, and them ladies .. all of ‘em … even Mrs. Doc … wouldn’t look me in the eye.
“Well, you know I finagulated that speechify book out of the library last week in preparatory for this speech, and it said you had to make eye contact with the audience. No … it really did. So I was eye contactin’ them, but they wouldn’t eye contact me back, boys. Not a one.”
Windy sucked down some caffeine and looked up at the Pepsi sign over the steer horns on the wall.
“Gotta tell ya, I thought them ladies was nicer’n that. And after we was done with lunch, they didn’t even look me in the eye when they thanked me for coming. Thassa fact.”
“And then you came straight here, Windy?” Doc asked.
“Shore did. Straight here.”
Doc started laughing. “Windy, your fly’s open.”
What is one of your most embarrassing moments? Come on, you gotta have more than one, right? Please share in the comments. One of mine was going to a signing event with one black sock and one blue sock.
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|Slim Randles writes a nationally syndicated column, Home Country and is the author of a number of books including Saddle Up: A Cowboy Guide to Writing. That title, and others, are published by LPD Press. His columns have been compiled into the book Home Country.|