More Nonsense From My Latest Book

Here again is another excerpt from my book in progress A Dead Tomato Plant and a Paycheck. It is a mix of humor and memoir, and this offering is from a chapter “The Silly Things We do.”

Enjoy……

While I may not be the brightest intellectual around, I’ve always considered myself intelligent, educated, and capable. As a parent, I’ve handled situations that call for ingenuity, like explaining to a five-year-old what keeps the moon up in the sky — l told her God glued it up there and figured her teacher could explain all that scientific stuff after she got to school — and talking my way out of hosting a slumber party for15 young teenage girls.

The fact that I even survived raising the twins speaks for itself.

So, I wonder. Why is it that I can’t open a simple “easy to open” package? I faced the most demanding jobs of motherhood from potty training to summer vacation, but I m reduced to a 97-pound weakling at the sight of “press here and pull back along dotted line.”

The last time I opened a box of detergent, I had to get a hammer and chisel, and I ended up with soap powder all over the floor and a smashed thumb. It was not a pretty sight, or a pretty sound.

Considering the highly technological society we live in, along with truth in advertising, shouldn’t an “easy open” package be just that?

We shouldn’t have to wrestle our way through boxes of cereal and individually-wrapped cheese slices.

We shouldn’t have to gnaw our way through potato chip bags or get tennis elbow from opening jars of peanut butter.

We shouldn’t have to ask the same kid who gave us the blinding headache to open the bottle of aspirin so we can ease said headache.

And we shouldn’t have to visit the local blacksmith with our canned ham.