Last weekend I was gut-punched by the murder of Alex Pretti in Minneapolis. That day, like any mother anywhere, I thought of his parents and their terrible grief. Grief is certainly their’s first. I freely acknowledge that. But there is a grief that many of us are feeling as well.
If grief was a circle, with the center being red hot, that is where the Pretti family lives. Then there are rings around the center in lighter and lighter shades of orange and then yellow. The next ring belongs to the people who knew and worked with Alex at the VA hospital in ICU, where many say he was an exceptional nurse. His close friends are in the next ring. Then the people of Minneapolis. Then the people of the entire state.
The rest of us, who only know him after the fact, but have been deeply impacted by this horrible tragedy, occupy the final ring.
Words fail me at the moment. Because of what has been happening in Minnesota for weeks. The escalating aggression by ICE that culminated in the murder of three American citizens. The absolute horror of seeing someone murdered like that. Not that I watch the videos over and over. I can’t. The manner of his murder is as heartless and cold-blooded as was the murder of George Floyd near that same spot in 2020.
This has all made me partially numb. Like my brain is paralyzed. But other people have expressed what I’m struggling to put into any kind of coherent order, so I’ll share what they have said.
Consider this song by the talented Marsh Family “If You’re Going To Minnesota” It’s a heartfelt tribute to Alex Pretti and Sarah Renee Good, as well as the state itself. The song starts with this line, “If you’re Going to Minnesota put a flower in your hair… and that brought to mind the days of “Peace not War” when hippies gathered to sing songs of social justice. Speaking out takes many forms, and the Marsh Family uses music most effectively. (And yes, one can “say” a lot in a song.)
For a long time I’ve been following Stephanie Raffelock of Creative Eldering and she recently wrote an article that was a letter to Minnesota. It starts with this:
Dear Minnesota,
Thank you for inspiring and uplifting us with your courage and your goodwill. I never thought I’d wake up in a country where Trump’s Secret Police, ICE, would be occupying American cities. The images of masked men hurting, killing and disappearing citizens was something I didn’t think could happen here. We are all stunned, heart-broken and somewhat numb from the onslaught of hateful, so-called leadership.
As the letter continues she praises the people for standing firm against oppression, as well as highlights what an inspiration it is to see the acts of kindness and support for each other. Communities pulling together for the good of all.
The letter concludes:
You have given us a blueprint for how to get through this. While there are rough days ahead, we, the people, inspired by our fellow citizens, will prevail. We are engaged in a battle of good and evil, and you dear Minnesota are the good. That’s what you gave to us.
Minnesota, you don’t stand alone. The country stands with you. Thank you for being a light. Because of you, I choose to believe in the American people. I choose love. And from love and our shared humanity, we will get through this. We must.
Sign me, grateful to you and for you,
A fellow American
I gladly endorse her letter.
Another letter, written by a Twitter friend who has brain cancer is used in full with his permission. Pardon the typos, as I decided not to correct anything. These are his words and his sentiments, but I’m sure they can be expressed by any person who has been cared for by a critical care nurse.
Dear Alex Pretti, I regret reaching you too late to thank you. You are so far away right now that I can’t mail you a letter or send you an email but I hope since you are in heaven you can find a moment for my letter here. You should have a moment because you have eternity now. I’m a cancer patient. And I have had quite a few incidents where I have been in critical care units. I’ve even woken up one time from a coma. I have been the recipient of compassion and more importantly healing from Critical Care nurses such as yourself and I won’t say skills because although people talk about nursing skills, I know that what you do comes from the heart and that cannot be taught.
I know my nurses saw me in a wheelchair and they didn’t see me as I walk today when I’m not falling down in snow. I know that nurses like you gave me medications making what was unbearable a little bit more tolerable. I was in the hospital for over 9 months and had not one visitor because of covid restrictions back in 2021 and it was nurses like you who would say my name and say good morning to me which was the only interactions that gave me any sense of dignity as my life was spent rehabilitating with machines assisting me to move wild tubes of my blood indicated the necessary regime to fight numerous infections.
Nurses like you are undervalued and unappreciated and I hate to tell you this but I am so sorry because I know you saw us at our worst and we have mood swings because we are in so much pain and our friends would never understand that but you nurses do. You never personalize our outrage because you know it comes from a place where we are in physical and oftentimes emotional agony yet that when we are our best selves we would never act like that.
I wish I could have thanked you for all you did, and I hate saying did, and I want you to know you made a difference and it’s amazing to me how you died the way you lived. Protecting others. I can walk today because of people like you. I can shop. I can write my books. I can think and complete sentences and have cognition because of people like you. I know how to mix the ingredients for cheesecake and yet five years ago today I was on life support. I was built back up from brain surgery that did not go right. If it wasn’t for you I would have beat you to heaven. More than likely I will die from cancer but if I had the choice I would rather die protecting somebody because there is honor in that whereas slipping away from cancer is not heroic at all.
Have fun up there. I bet Jesus can’t stop hugging you. I’m a little jealous.
An online presence who identifies as God, has this to say in a letter he addresses to Dear Humans,
“The following ‘people’ are all going to burn in hell for all eternity: Donald Trump, Kristi Noem, Megyn Kelly, Tom Homan, Matt Walsh, Greg Bovino, Stephen Miller, Marco Rubio, Pete Hegseth, Jonathan Ross, Unknown ICE murderer currently being protected, and every batshit fascist who thinks they can murder with impunity, and then blame the murder victim for any reason they concoct.
These people must be prosecuted for their crimes against humanity, DAMMIT!$ It is a moral imperative!!
Not sure I agree about the going to hell, but prosecution is a moral imperative and I support that one hundred percent. It’s way past time that people in this administration were held accountable.
A final note. If you’d like to help support the people of Minnesota, here’s a link to an article with places and organizations where you can volunteer and/or donate.
As always, I welcome a discussion about this, but ask that it be kept respectful.