This is another excerpt from my humorous memoir, A Dead Tomato Plant and a Paycheck. Enjoy….And have a very Happy New Year.
As the last days of the year wound down, our thoughts turned to New Year’s Eve parties and the inevitable aftermath on New Year’s Day. I preferred going to someone else’s party as it was a lot easier to bring a snack to share then clean my whole house and prepare a bunch of food.. Plus, I needed time to think about my New Year’s resolution for the year.
Normally, when it came to resolutions, I tried not to demand too much of myself, preferring to do something simple like giving up escargot. But one year, in the interest of strengthening my character, I decided it was time to exercise a little self-discipline. I swear it had nothing to do with the strange dream I had the week prior.
In the dream, a cloudy apparition hovered over the foot of my bed and called my name, “Maryann MilIerrrrr.”
“Wha … Who me?”
“Who are you? What do you want?”
”I’m the ghost of columns past.”
“Right. And I’m Erma Bombeck.”
“Tis not a moment for levity. You have much to account for this night.”
“How about your indiscriminate use of poetic license?”
“It’s not indiscriminate. I work very hard at it.”
“Aha! So you admit to lying in your column.”
“Well… not exactly lying. I prefer to call it ‘stretching the truth. ‘”
“And how do you think your family and friends feel about this?”
“Oh, yeah? What about your friend, Mary? Do you know she was kicked out of the Gingerbread Hall of Fame after you credited her with your cake fiasco?”
“I didn’t know that was going to happen. But you must admit it was a funny story. Honesty would have been very dull.”
“So. Let me see if I’ve got this straight. You’d do anything for a laugh?”
“And you are going to persist?”
“Of course. I’ve got job security to think about.”
“In that case consider yourself warned. You might be sorry.”
With that the hazy form disappeared, leaving me with much to ponder. Perhaps it was time to ease up a bit. So, I made a solemn vow never to poke fun at my friend, Mary, again …
Well, maybe I would start the next week. First, I wanted to tell all my readers about the strange punch she used to make.