Here is another guest blog from a talented jazz musician, who also has a deft hand with writing humor. He shares a weekly column with readers at winnsborotoday.com, and also graciously allows me to share with readers here. Enjoy.
Peanut M&Ms Anonymous
Hello, my name is Tracy, I’m addicted to Peanut M&Ms, but I haven’t had any for 13 hours and 22 minutes.
“Hello Tracy, and welcome to the group.”
Thanks. To be honest, I was reluctant to come here at first because I didn’t actually think I had a problem. I thought I could control my desire to eat Peanut M&Ms by myself, but I was wrong.
“Tell us your story, Tracy. You’re among friends.”
Well, I can say I’m luckier than most. Some kids are born with the need to eat M&Ms because their mothers ate M&Ms while they were pregnant. Even though the doctors warn and often beg these mothers to stop eating M&Ms during pregnancy, they don’t listen. And then they have M&M babies — newborns just twitching with the need to eat something round and chocolate. Luckily, that was not my case.
For me, my addiction started when I was quite young. I was hooked the first time I saw M&Ms, tore open a package and let them melt in my mouth and not in my hands. Those were just the plain chocolate kind — the kind kids love — but as I grew older and my tastes grew more mature, I naturally gravitated to Peanut M&Ms.
The first time I popped a Peanut M&M, my universe just sort of exploded with new possibilities. I could see things more clearly. I could understand things that I never understood before. It was like my senses were attuned to higher and more sensitive levels. And once you pop one, you have to pop another to keep that high going.
It wasn’t long before I found myself buying a bag of Peanut M&Ms and eating the entire thing without even realizing it. And I’m not talking about the little $1 bag you get out of a vending machine. I’m talking about the family-size, 6-pound bag that costs almost $12 and should last a lifetime.
It finally hit me that I had a problem when my little girl said she needed new shoes and I told her I didn’t have any money, when in fact I did. I was saving that money to score me another bag of M&Ms before the weekend. And that’s why I’m here at this meeting.
I’ve tried stopping cold turkey, but it’s just too hard. I figured with help, and with belonging to a group of people who have suffered through the same problem and survived, that maybe I, with support, could pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.
But, maybe I should start slowly. Maybe I should only eat a small bag a day and ease off this addiction gradually.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
Is there a vending machine around here?
And can somebody loan me a dollar?
The Daily Spittoon — All the flavor but with half the calories.