Turning the blog over to Slim Randles in a moment, but first a few fun quotes that a friend sent to me with the preamble, “These insults are from an era before insults were boiled down to four-letter words.”
They certainly are clever and amusing, and I wonder how they would work in today’s society.
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
While these are all clever twists of words, maybe we’d all be better off without insulting anyone at all, amusing or not. What do you think?
Okay. Now here’s Slim to entertain you with a sweet story about Doc and the dove family. Enjoy…
Doc smiled and felt really good inside when he heard the familiar bird song.
“Hey there, Wheezer,” he said, “happy nesting!”
For some reason, this mourning dove with the speech impediment comes around to Doc’s back yard every spring, and Doc thinks that’s just all right. If ol’ Wheez didn’t have that distinctive voice, Doc would never know if this bird favored his yard or was just another bird looking for a home.
Let’s face it, Wheezer looks just like every other dove in town.
But he was back and flirting with a good-looking lady dove up on the branches of the locust tree. Doc always wondered whether doves mate for life, and was this the same Mrs. Wheez he sees every year, or if Wheezer had to court a new lassie each spring.
“I’ll have to look it up,” Doc said, knowing that he wouldn’t.
But he did go over to the concrete-block wall and clean out the crud from the hollow in the top block by the gate. Doc had put dirt in it years ago, and each spring, the Wheezer couple hauled in twigs and grass and made a place to raise their family.
And each spring, as Mrs. W. sat on her eggs, it would take a few days before she would tolerate Doc coming and going through the gate. This was the dove family he was close to. They let him get right up to maybe a foot from the ugly little baby birds each spring, and he was careful never to move quickly or make a noise.
That was his contribution, you see, to the putting together of the “Doves in the Concrete Block” family.
Wonder how long doves live? Doc thought. Wonder how long old Wheezer will last?
I’ll have to look it up.
No he won’t.
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Brought to you by Wild Birds Unlimited. They have lots of things to keep those birds happy and healthy. Visit the website to find your local store.
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Check out all of Slim’s award-winning books at his Goodreads Page and in better bookstores and bunkhouses throughout the free world.
All of the posts here are from his syndicated column, Home Country that is read in hundreds of newspapers across the country. I am always happy to have him share his wit and wisdom here. There’s also the book, Home Country. Check it out.
Slim Randles is a veteran newspaperman, hunting guide, cowboy and dog musher. He was a feature writer and columnist for The Anchorage Daily News for 10 years and guided hunters in the Alaska Range and the Talkeetna Mountains. A resident of New Mexico now for more than 30 years, Randles is the prize-winning author of a dozen books, and is host of two podcasts and a television program.