The Secret to Staying Young

Here’s more fun from my friend Tracy Farr….

That’s right, I have the Secret To Staying Young. It doesn’t come in a bottle, it doesn’t come in a pill, and you don’t have to torture yourself with Richard Simmons tapes and Veggie Drinks. And, because you are my friend, I’m letting you in on the secret Absolutely Free!

And here it is: Get Off Your Buttocks And Do Something Different, Out Of The Ordinary, Something So Totally Unexpected That Your Friends And Neighbors Will Think You’ve Lost Your Ever-Loving Mind!

“But Tracy, how is THAT going to keep me looking young?”

Well, it won’t. You’re getting older and some of your parts have already packed up and moved south without you. But I didn’t say my secret would keep you LOOKING young. I said it will keep you STAYING young.

Researchers have learned that as you grow older, if you keep your mind active by learning new things and trying something different every now and then, you can keep your mind from turning into mush and squirting out your ear. And as far as I’m concerned, having my brain squirt all over my living room is not my idea of a good time. So, that’s why I’m learning to play the fiddle.

“Oh Holey Moley, Tracy, that’s what you told us LAST week!”

I did? You mean I’m repeating myself? Oh no, my mind is already turning to mush! I feel the squirt a comin’. It’s comin’ round the bend. And I ain’t seen the sunshine since….

Oh no! Now I’m quoting Johnny Cash songs! It’s too late for me. I’m all mush. Save yourselves! Go bungee jumping! Skydiving! Learn to speak Chinese! Do anything to keep your mind strong and active as you approach old age and beyond.

Just do me one favor. Remember me. Remember me as the guy who kept your brain from squirting all over the place. Remember me, because Heaven knows I won’t be able to.


Stinky Creek Texas — Where we don’t have mush

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