This time of year is always a but rough as my thoughts often turn to my husband who died in 2013. Our wedding anniversary is late in August, and the anniversary of his death is Sept. 5. Then there are all the fall holidays, which he loved to much, with his birthday tossed into the mix.
There are many people who think enough time has passed that I should be over all the grief, but the funny thing about that is the reality that one never “gets over it” at all. In talking with many experts through the years – those experts being people who have been through the loss of someone close – that is the one truth that prevails.
Grief never ends. The pain eases. So sometimes one can smile through the tears of memory, but there are still tears – still pain.
That happened to me today as I went through old papers that were in a small suitcase. Part of the fun of moving and packing up things from one house to see what might make the journey to another, is finding little treasures, and I can’t keep myself from looking at each one of them.
In this suitcase, I found an anniversary card that my husband had made for me on the occasion of our 12th wedding anniversary. It isn’t fancy. Just black ink on graph paper that was cut into quarters, the pages stapled together. When I saw it today, I read through each page, touching the words as if I could touch his hand as he wrote them, then I held the booklet close to my heart while I smiled through my tears.
It was truly one of those special moments that remind me of the love we had. He expressed his love through actions, as well as using his gift of humor to make me and our children know how much he cared.
There is no way I can summarize this special card, so I’ll share it in pictures.
And the best page of all:
My husband, Carl, delighted in giving special gifts. Sometimes something nice from a store that I really wanted, but when times were lean, which they often were in those early years of raising kids, we relied on gifts like that card he made for me. It’s no surprise that of all the gifts he purchased for me, with the exception of some jewelry, there is nothing that I’ve hung on to, but I’ve kept the cards, especially this one.
I’m not sure if he had help with some of the lettering, but perhaps not. He was a man of many talents even though he often professed to having none.
If you’re dealing with grief issues, or simply want to know more about the topic, check out my memoir The Many Faces of Grief. I’m certainly not THE expert, but I did learn a lot while facilitating grief support groups when I worked full time as a chaplain, then I got to see it from the other side when my husband died.
That’s all from me for today, folks. Take care. Be safe. Be happy.
That card is beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing it. Yes, grief does not go away. It’s only been 15 months, but it was yesterday and a million years ago.
Thanks for stopping by Myra. You nailed it with “it was yesterday and a million years ago.”
That is the way so many people feel about their losses. Everyone I visit with expresses something very similar.
We just have to keep on chugging along.
Take care, my friend.
Very nicely done Maryann. Yes, Carl was a very sweet man and I feel priviledged to have
had the chance to know him during the very early years of the Winnsboro Center for the Arts, or as it was called then “Trails Country Center for the Arts”. He was always there
to be a helping hand whenever needed, and at the drop of a hat. Well respected and
much loved. Good Man.
Ah, thanks for that, Margit. Carl’s support of the art center was first to support me as I loved it from the start and was so active in the various programs. Then he came to love it as much as I did – still do – and found that he had fun with some of the early shows he was in.
We all have such great memories of our involvement through the years, and those early years were quite a challenge, but so much fun doing what we could to keep the doors open and you and York were a big part of that. Thanks for reminding me of those wonderful memories.
What a lovely sight to see – his handwriting! Brings back so many memories. One over-arching theme I have with me as an adult is the absolute love he had for you. And how he tried to make events and celebrations fun, personal, thoughtful and full of life and love. Miss him all the time. Know you do too. Oof – how much he’s missed. I know he would be proud of you these past 12 years.
Thank you so much! You always know how to affirm me in ways I need to hear. What a treasure you are in my life.
Seeing this card brought back a myriad of memories of all those special things he did. Still smile when I think of all the work he put into that grand surprise of my new car. And those ugly orange chairs that I didn’t even notice Christmas morning until he literally, and gently, pushed me into one. I loved the chairs. They only became ugly after many years of use. 🙂