Here it is Monday again and time for another guest post from Slim Randles since I have nothing to write about. The news, along current affairs, are just too depressing. Plus, I’ve been sick for a week. UGH!
I sure wish Slim had been a contributor to newspapers and blogs way back when I did my humor column for The Plano Star Courier and faced a deadline with a blank sheet of paper in my typewriter and in my mind. I was reduced to calling friends begging them for any tidbit of shenanigans going on at their house that could stretch into a story of about 350 words for tomorrow’s column.
I never made anything up.
Honest!
Wait! Don’t you look behind my back. Nothing there to see. Move along.
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Now here’s Slim with his commentary on current affairs. What a delightful spoof on the absurdity in Washington. Enjoy!
Have you been counting the minutes until election day when your neighbors can remove all those campaign signs from their lawns for another two years? Yes, these are mid-term elections, just as serious as the presidential election yet to come two years from now, but not as interesting.
Why not? Because the great candidate Vermin Love Supreme only runs for President and doesn’t mess about trying to be someone’s governor. V.L., who appears to be a bearded cross between Archimedes and Alexander Graham Bell, tends to stand out in a crowd. That is largely because he’s usually wearing a boot on his head and is carrying a giant toothbrush.
Unlike most politicians, who basically ask us to vote for them because they have their names on several yard signs and can prove it, Ol’ Verm isn’t afraid to face his country head-on and tell us what we really need.
Last time around, while trying to wedge his goals into the New Hampshire primaries, Vermin made no bones about his platform: 1. Passing a national law that everyone must brush their teeth, 2. Dedicating millions of tax dollars to delve into time travel, 3. Investigate the possibilities of a Zombie invasion, and 4. Give a pony to everyone in the country.
Lest you be scratching your head over the time-travel expenditures, Vermin Love Supreme is quick to point out that once science has whipped time travel, he can then go back in time and kill Adolf Hitler.
How can you beat a campaign slogan like that? Not only is it fun, but just picture 250 million people riding ponies around and showing off their shiny teeth.
Just two more years … we can do it. Two more years.
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Brought to you by a mysterious conglomerate that we’ve never heard of and who just do silly things.
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Check out all of Slim’s award-winning books at his Goodreads Page and in better bookstores and bunkhouses throughout the free world.
All of the posts here are from his syndicated column, Home Country that is read in hundreds of newspapers across the country. I am always happy to have him share his wit and wisdom here.
Slim Randles is a veteran newspaperman, hunting guide, cowboy and dog musher. He was a feature writer and columnist for The Anchorage Daily News for 10 years and guided hunters in the Alaska Range and the Talkeetna Mountains. A resident of New Mexico now for more than 30 years, Randles is the prize-winning author of a dozen books, and is host of two podcasts and a television program.
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That’s all from me for a few days, folks. Whatever the week ahead hold for you, I hope there is some peace and joy and fun involved. Stay safe. Be happy.
