A Painful Day

Ten years.

Already?

When you lose someone who was part of your life longer than the time prior to the pairing, the adjustment to “oneness” is hard.

Really hard.

The photo was taken at a coffee shop in Winnsboro, Texas on one of our wedding anniversaries. This was not long after we’d moved there in the early 2000s. What a grand time we had while living out my dream of being in the country and playing farmer. Wonderful memories of that place and time.

I thought as the years passed this anniversary – the one of my husband’s death wouldn’t hit so hard.

But it does.

That loss as well as others close to me has been a reminder of how fragile life can be. We need to celebrate the special people in our lives every day and never miss an opportunity to say, “I love you. I cherish you.”

Emotions have been playing havoc with me, as they always do this time of year, and I find solace in family. And friends. And hobbies that bring me joy.

So I’ll have one of my sons with me today, and if time permits we’ll share a meal. Then after he leaves, I’ll get back to coloring. I’ve been doing a lot of that the past week or so.

That is all.

8 thoughts on “A Painful Day”

  1. myrahmcilvain – Austin, TX – Myra Hargrave McIlvain is an award-winning author and teller of Texas tales. Whether she is sharing the stories in her books, her lectures, or her blog, she aims to make the Texas story alive. McIlvain's six nonfiction books tell of Texas’ most famous and infamous historic sites and the tales of pirates, profiteers, philanthropists, and preservationists who colored the state with a broad and wild brush. Her most-recent nonfiction TEXAS TALES, STORIES THAT SHAPED A LANDSCAPE AND A PEOPLE, was published in 2017. McIlvain has written four books of Texas-based historical fiction, which includes LEGACY set in 1945 in a Texas town struggling through the last year of WWII. STEIN HOUSE, A GERMAN FAMILY SAGA, traces the lives of immigrants settling in Indianola, a Texas seaport that grew to rival Galveston until the 1886 hurricane left behind a ghost town. THE DOCTOR'S WIFE, a prequel to STEIN HOUSE, explores the struggles of newlyweds who arrive with the big wave of Germans in the 1840s and remain on the Texas coast to establish the thriving port of Indianola. WATERS PLANTATION revisits some of the beloved characters from the two previous books who grapple with the changes wrought by the end of Reconstruction. A LONG WAY HOME, takes a new bent, opening on 9/11 with the tale of a woman who escapes from an abusive husband. True to McIlvain's Texas roots, the character settles on the Texas Rio Grande. McIlvain's recent historical fiction, THE KNOTTED RING, set during the early Anglo settlement in Texas, is the story of a young white girl expecting her slave lover's baby. She marries to give her lover a chance to escape and travels with her new husband to Texas in search of a Spanish land grant. On the long trek to Texas, she grieves for her lover and is determined to control her destiny.

    I can only imagine how hard it is to lose the one who has been the center of your life for so long. I am facing that with Stroud, who is 98. I am following your advice to let him know how much I love him and how important he is in my life. You are such an inspiration. If you can do it, perhaps I can too. Sending hugs.

    1. mcm0704

      I know the time you have left with Stroud is limited. So glad that you are each sharing your love openly. One comfort I have is remembering the breakfast we had together the day Carl died. It was one of the best meals together in quite a while and we talked about a lot of important things. It was a special, close time that ended with a hug and an “I love you.” So glad he’d walked out the door with those words. He went to volunteer at the art center, where he had another heart attack.

  2. You & Carl were lifesavers for me 46 years ago. Thanks for sharing your home with me when I had no other place to go. As if your house wasn’t already packed enough on Greywood back in the Plano days. You both were so kind – I can never repay you. Funny, the small things I remember about that winter. Since then, every time I’ve seen or heard the name Honeywell, I’ve thought of Carl! And because of you two, I did not have to be alone in the hospital that Easter weekend. I greatly appreciate that & will never forget it! So nice to have found you on FB. People from my past are important to me because they’ve helped shape who I am! Hoping this difficult time for you goes as good as you need it to. ❤️

    1. mcm0704

      Liz, thanks so much for the kind words. Carl and I were so blessed by all the girls who came into our lives. We often talked about each of you and hoped that you had gone on to have happy lives. I’m so touched that you reached out to me.

  3. Cathy Miller – Owner of Old Lady Biz- all about Reading, Writing, and Walking.

    The pain of loss is so unpredictable. So sorry, Maryann. Take comfort in so many happy memories and bless your son for being there for you. Hugs, my friend.

    1. mcm0704

      Thanks so much, Suzy. Love and cherish you, too. Thanks so much for acting on my suggestion. I’ve been telling a lot of folks how much they mean to me. Just had a lovely text exchange with a friend. I’d sent her an un-birthday card and gift because I always forgot on her birthday. She appreciated both and we affirmed our friendship. Nice way to start my day.

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